Review: The Vitamix (one year after purchase)

The 2013 Christmas season brought me the greatest gift of all: the gift of the Vitamix. Here are my thoughts on that most mythical of kitchen appliances one year after its procurement. 

Kneel before it's glory.

Kneel before its power.

What is the vitamix?

…you may ask, humbly, in your ignorance.

The Vitamix is part blender, part fad, and part kitchen revolution. You may ask how one appliance can be so much at one time and I am here to provide you with some answers.

If you would like to see the Vitamix in action, I recommend taking a journey to the official Vitamix website to watch some video demonstrations. I guarantee you will return transformed.

If you have heard of the Vitamix, but have refused to be seduced by it, you may consider it simply an overpriced blender. I am intimate with this argument. But, the Vitamix is so much more than a blender. This is a point I have had to explain many a time to many an incredulous guest. Try, just try, making a smoothie using frozen fruits and vegetables in the Vitamix and then try to replicate the process with the same ingredients in another, lesser blender and you will understand. The word blender is truly too flimsy a word.

Why should i care?

…you may also ask, though your obstinance is beginning to drain me. I will require a restorative smoothie prepared in my Vitamix in order to continue with this line of inquiry. 

The Vitamix is the stuff of kitchen legend. People speak of it in hushed, reverent tones. Just the other night, I had a few people over to my new apartment and not one, but two people approached me and whispered feverishly, “Is that a Vitamix?” pointing to the great behemoth sitting on my counter between the commonplace toaster and the yawn-inducing water kettle. “Yes, I said. That is the Vitamix.” Note: I always use the definite article “the” when discussing the Vitamix.

For those of us who would happily subsist on a diet of soup, smoothies and nut butters, the Vitamix is pretty much the holy grail of kitchen appliances. To demonstrate its import to a friend who had never heard of it, I asked him to simply hold its base in his hands so he could feel its heft. Needless to say, he was impressed.

With the Vitamix, you can make soup by literally throwing whole vegetables and hot stock into the Vitamix and be happily enjoying a smooth red lentil, kale, and potato soup minutes later. You can whip up gazpacho in the summer in ten minutes or less. You can make the creamiest, silkiest butternut squash soup of your life.

Not a fan of soup? Well, I can assume you are a fan of sorbet and/or ice cream. Both of which are the Vitamix’s bread and butter, so to speak.

What are the drawbacks?

…I would imagine at this point that you have decided to purchase the Vitamix and have done a bit of Internet research only to be astonished by its price-tag. You have returned to me in a state of panic. I understand your pain. Please, allow me to enable you. 

There are certainly drawbacks to the Vitamix. I have often wondered if I fell prey to the trap of the infomercial. If I was just one of the many seduced by the video demonstrations and the promises of instant soup and even, to my great shock, bread dough. The price tag alone should have dissuaded me, but the pull was just too great. I wanted fresh nut butter, warmed by the power of the Vitamix, to spread on my morning toast.

Here’s the thing: you don’t need the Vitamix. You really don’t. It is not a kitchen essential. You can get the same job done with a combination of a food processor, a blender, and a juicer if you’re up for it.

Here’s how I often justify the Vitamix purchase to myself (other than the aforementioned soup). With your Vitamix purchase, you get a seven year warranty with no extra charge. That’s longer than I have ever owned anything. Apple doesn’t give you that kind of situation when you buy an $1800 laptop. This makes me believe that the people behind the Vitamix are supremely confident in their product.

What is one to think after all of this?

…let us take a moment to reflect on all that we have learned and all that the Vitamix has taught us about ourselves and about our love of nut butters. 

There is much to consider before making the Vitamix purchase. Certainly, you must reasonably consider how much use you will get out of it. And also, how might you reasonably afford the Vitamix? Besides purchasing a joint one with your roommates (only recommended for certain camarades de chambre) or waiting until you can put the thing on a wedding registry (if you believe in that*) for a wealthy benefactor/relative to buy on your behalf?

The responsible thing to do would be to save a little each month. And once your Vitamix arrives, you will be the envy of all. And you will never need to purchase such quotidien things as Skippy peanut butter** or Campbell’s soup ever again.

In the meantime, you are welcome to come and use mine. We’ll have a party with the Vitamix. There will be unlimited juice and, to paraphrase Buster Bluth, if there’s unlimited juice, you know that party is going to be off the hook.

xox J

*Confession #1: I personally don’t, but I’d reconsider my moral stance if the Vitamix were in play. 

**Confession #2: I love Skippy peanut butter and still purchase it on occasion. 

One thought on “Review: The Vitamix (one year after purchase)

  1. Anne of Green Turtles says:

    The Vitamix is more than a blender. It is a much-coveted household good elevated to the status of house-resident. More than once, adventurers of a northern stronghold entitled Winterfell threatened to go to bed with it. That item was hotter than a turbo diesel engine-powered aftermarket homemade jacuzzi.

    Liked by 1 person

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