Ten Things to Buy This Week: Status Symbol Totes Edition

Insofar as one’s exterior is an insight into one’s soul, the tote is a damn good heuristic. Communicate that you are young and aware of all of the things as you tote your worldly goods in these pretentious modern beauties.

Getty bag. Because totes from the MET are just basic.

Getty bag. Because totes from the Met are just basic.


Oh, the FEED bag. Since I know you’ve seen it everywhere, I don’t need to explain how much of a cult symbol this is/the ways in which purchasing one contributes to Lauren Bush Lauren’s celebrity helps children. I think one should buy FEED bags as one buys TOMS, which is to say you must begin with traditional styles and expand with fun seasonal pieces over the years. Although it might feel boring, you should therefore really start with the option below:

Ask your pair bond for this in place of an Easter basket.

Ask your pair bond for this in place of an Easter basket.


The key question with Apolis totes is which will look most chic on your arm as you haul lavender home from the organic farmer’s market. While at first glance you may want the arts district market bag, I encourage you to mature and choose the Apolis + Scribe wine tote below.

I sincerely hope it is still unclear to you whether I am making this list of totes ironically.

For picnics in the south of France. Or, like, Williambsurg.


As the product description explains, “this tote will take you from the gym to work and then out for dinner.  Of course, [it was] also made with travel in mind and lay[s] flat in a suitcase.” At $269, could there be a better option for your inner Gwyneth?

Bring it spin class. Prepare for envy.

Bring it to spin class. Prepare for envy.


In the celebrity high school that is Los Angeles, the popular girls bring their mason-jar salads to the proverbial lunch table in these. Reese Witherspoon and friends have been known to dangle an eco-friendly Baggu tote from time to time, and for $9 and up, you can too.

Is anyone surprised these bags are made in Brooklyn?

Is anyone surprised these bags are made in Brooklyn?


This reversible beauty features up-cycled coffee sacks as the main design element, which is an important trait as status symbols go. Perhaps that is why it has been seen on the likes of Jessica Biel. Note that the tote derives its “artistic nature and earthy feel from Salento, Colombia; a region immersed in a culture of artisans, agriculture and coffee production.” Naturally.

Could Jessica fit Justin Timberlake inside?

Could Jessica fit J. Timberlake inside?


Show that your literary taste has panache with a tote from San Francisco’s City Lights bookstore. Pair it with a Peet’s coffee as you stroll and all of the hipster street cred is yours.

The simple version shown here is the best. Don't overthink it. Also, Hi Vivi.

The simple version shown here is the best. Don’t overthink it. Also, Hi Vivi.


A tote bag from the Met? Please. Pick one from the more exclusive Getty Museum instead. If you’re clever, you’ll make it this one, which references “a magnificent opus sectile in the Getty Villa’s ‘Temple of Herakles’ [which] reproduces a first-century pavement from the Villa dei Papiri at Herculaneum.” MHMM.

The Roman floor referenced in this tote was the first architectural feature discovered by workers excavating a well in 1750.

The Roman floor referenced in this tote was the first architectural feature discovered by workers excavating a well in 1750.


The image on this Public Doman Review tote comes from 17th century astrologer, mathematician, cosmologist and occult philosopher Robert Fludd’s Utriusque Cosmi. Maintain the highbrow allure of the bag by obnoxiously spouting this factoid to everyone in your purview.

Demands to contain vinyl.

Demands to contain vinyl.


N+1’s tote celebrating their 10 year anniversary boasts twenty-five inch cotton handles and a three-inch gusset, but who even knows what a gusset is? What matters is that you will look like someone who reads intellectual lit mags on the reg when you carry your possessions in one of these statement pieces.

The n+1 Tote

Yes, I too think the option on the left looks like the Swiss flag.


For those who hate everything, Zazzle allows you to go the DIY route. This is something I did for J a while back, and I think it was a great choice. Not only is it affordable, but it is truly uncensored–who knows how pretentious a concoction you can dream up when free to deviate from trendy guiding principles?

King Lear tote quotes = a polarizing choice for the better.

King Lear tote quotes = a polarizing choice for the better.


I think closing with the Luna/Lear tote is the highest note I can end on. I hope you’ve enjoyed this list, and I hope it is still unclear to you whether I made it ironically.

Enjoy springtime vibes, beautiful bunnies.

xox E

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